Strange thought this morning: Pubs are like girlfriends.
They’re all different. Some are young, and some are old. Some are small, and some are big. Some are all done up in the latest fashion, while others make no effort at all. Some are quiet, and some are noisy. Some are fun, and some are staid. Some are homely, and some are standard airport lounge. Some are well-upholstered, and some have no upholstery at all. Some decorate their walls with paintings and posters and antique farming implements, and some wear little such decoration at all. Some are glad to see you, and some aren’t.
Maybe you like them all, but you usually get to prefer one of them more than the rest. And so you stay faithful to it… until one day maybe you chance upon a beautiful little bar that you never noticed before, and it steals your heart away.
And when pubs open, it’s like there’s a new girl in town. And when they close, it’s like an old girlfriend just left.
And the introduction of a smoking ban is like losing a girlfriend. In fact, it’s much worse: it’s like losing all your girlfriends on the same day. It’s like they all tell you on the same day that It’s Over, and I’ve Got Someone New. And he doesn’t smoke like you do. And he washes his hair every day. But We Can Still Be Friends, can’t we? Coz it’ll be your fault if we aren’t friends.
I always used to grieve for months whenever I lost a girlfriend.
And back when I was in Devon, I grieved for months after the UK smoking ban was imposed. It left a hole in my life.
And I think it must have been the same for a lot of smokers. And for women too, because for the girls pubs are probably like boyfriends. They provided a reason to get dressed up and put on the war paint.
So I think there were a lot of grieving smokers in England on 1 July 2007.
I think it’s probably like that everywhere, whenever smoking gets banned. It’s heartbreak.
They say that One Day You’ll Find Someone New. But in the case of pubs I don’t see it happening. They used to all be different. But now they’re all the dreary uniform same.