Hospitality industry bosses have been expressing their disbelief this morning as reports suggest that pubs could reopen in April with no alcohol…
But the news has left hospitality bosses and operators in shock, with the CEO of the British Beer and Pub Association saying the industry has come ‘under attack’.
I don’t know why anyone is shocked.
After all, it’s clearly a natural progression from the pub smoking ban, It’s all about Health. And Health is the only thing that really matters, isn’t it? If pubs were healthier places after smoking was banned, they’ll be far more healthy after alcohol is banned.
People will still be able to drink fizzy drinks, and milk, and of course water.
Although, after a few more years, all these will be banned too, except water. And all food will be banned too, except bread.
And we’ll live on bread and water.
What could be healthier than that?!
People will soon get used to it, just like they did with the smoking ban.
It’s often said that Britain was a far healthier place during WW2 rationing, when people only got the bare minimum, and everyone was lean and fit.
That’s how health is measured: by how thin you are. The thinner the better.
So perhaps we should bring back rationing?
Everyone gets a loaf of bread and a jug of water a week. And a piece of chocolate once a month. And a small (low-fat, low-sugar) plum pudding at Christmas.
No need to stop there. It would also be a lot healthier if cars and buses and trains were banned too, with everyone walking around on their own two legs. That would keep them super-fit/.
We shouldn’t be making life easier for people. We should be making it harder.
Some people seem to think that a pub with no beer would be insanity. But really it’s no more insane than a pub with no smoking. A public house is simply a house into which anyone can enter. There’s nothing that says that such a house should be able to sell alcohol any more than it should sell food or clothes or machine guns. Why should it sell anything at all?
Health is the only thing that matters. Not freedom or democracy or reason or faith or honesty or anything else. Just Health and Health alone.
But you probably know that by now.