I haven’t written a blog post for 10 days, and today is the first time I’ve found myself both writing a new one on my computer and also smoking a new cigarette.
It’s a bit like being reborn.
I didn’t really notice not smoking. I had no cravings. But it was very nice to smoke one.And also to read some news.
The strangest thing was that I’d completely forgotten what my little flat looked like, even though I’d been living there for 10 years. I managed to slowly recall it piece by piece, with a set of memories like jigsaw puzzle pieces that I gradually accrued over an entire day or so, fitting them together. I’ve been slowly remembering who I was. It had all gone blank.
I’m not even sure why I was in hospital. A doctor said Heart Failure, but my heart didn’t seem like it had failed. Over the past 3 months I’ve gone from shortage of breath to extreme weakness, so heart failure is as good as anything. I know there wasn’t any cancer found by any of the machines they put me in. But I’ve been in bed for 10 days, and surrounded by nurses, so it must’ve been quite serious.
Aside from that I have a really intense sense of delight at sitting in front of my computer at home again, in a newly rediscovered home.
My thanks go to my commenters, and in particular Emily who has been staying in contact with my brother.