Well, here it is. The interview. Although everyone seems to have seen it already.
It actually seems much more polished than it did at the time. I thought I was mumbling, and not finishing my sentences. But in the video I was actually talking tolerably well. Apart from the smacking sound which seemed to be coming from my lips smacking together after I stopped talking. Or perhaps it was coming from my loose denture. I do have a denture. And it is a bit loose. So maybe that’s what I actually sound like in real life. Mr Smacky. You know, that guy who sits outside in summer with a beer and a cigarette, and whose lips smack together like clapping hands whenever he says anything.
But I think it was probably actually a consequence of my lapel microphone, clipped to my gown, being a bit too close to my mouth. Because I could hear myself breathe from time to time. Or exhale. Make that Mr Smacky, who sits outside in summer with a beer and a cigarette, breathing heavily, and whose lips smack together like clapping hands whenever he says anything.
And then I’m also looking sideways. But that’s because I had my eyes on Emily on my computer screen. But then, I’ve noticed that when I talk to people, I very seldom look directly at them. I look off to the side. Or down. I usually only look at people when they are speaking. And then I look at their mouths as they speak.
And my view of Emily was pretty much the intimate view I’d have got if I’d been sitting on her knee. Because she had the webcam that I could see out of down below her to her left, at about knee level. In fact, after the show, I thought it reminded me of sitting on my mother’s knee, over sixty years ago. And my mother would be looking down at me and telling me that if I didn’t eat my greens, I’d grow up to be a little old man called Mr Smacky, whose lips would smack together like clapping hands whenever he said anything. And, of course, I didn’t eat my greens, and so here I am. I should’ve listened to my mother.
But if I personally didn’t look too much at my computer’s webcam, Emily spent a lot of time looking down at hers. In fact, if you watch her carefully on the YouTube video, you’ll see that she doesn’t keep her eyes on the studio camera all the time. She actually spends a lot of the time looking down at me, Mr Smacky, sitting out of sight on her left knee.
I think the trick that she’s learned, and I haven’t, is to fix your eyes on your own webcam when the other person is speaking. Because that way you look like you’re paying attention to them when they’re speaking. Or maybe it’s the other way round.
Anyway I think Emily should maybe have her own show called Sitting On Emily’s Knee. And she should invite all us Brits over to Cambridge, Massachusetts, to sit on her knee and talk to her. Dick Puddlecote. Chris Snowdon. Legiron. Junican. And maybe also Grandad in Ireland. And Klaus K in Denmark, and Wiel Maessen in Holland. Anyone who’s got a webcam and microphone. And most laptop computers have them these days. She said that they sometimes have difficulty finding people to come on their show. But now that they’re Skype-enabled, the whole world has opened up to them. In fact, the rest of America too. Maybe we’d also be able to see Michael McFadden and Walt and lots of others. I for one would watch avidly. Then Emily could probably become as famous as, say, Megyn Kelly or somebody.
It’s also prompted me to think about using Skype more. I hardly ever do. A few years back, I used to get together online occasionally with GaryK, Brigitte, Nisakiman, and the late Lysistrata. That was quite fun, but was plagued with feedback problems. GaryK had a paid account with Skype, which I don’t. Perhaps I should get one, and invite people to After Hours with Frank Davis. Or maybe Sitting On Mr Smacky’s Knee…
I’ll think about it.