Escape From The Castle Of Baron Eu

In the aftermath of the Brexit vote, Leg-iron writes:

Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and others have moved aside for the unknown Andrea. She takes on the very well known Theresa.

Is anyone else wondering if they are watching a carefully choreographed series of events?

I don’t think I can predict the ending of this one but I think this is all going according to someone’s plan. I have no idea whose plan, but it’s all going too smoothly to be random.

There’s certainly a sense of unreality to it all.

It’s as if the heroine of the story, Britannia (played by either Theresa May or Andrea Leadsom), after being imprisoned in the castle of Baron Eu for over 40 years, has managed to escape – by the simple expedient, at the very first opportunity she got, of walking out out of the front gate, which had been left completely unguarded. As she navigates slowly towards the final Article 50 exit in the perimeter wall, you keep expecting the alarm to be raised, and heavily-armed knights on horseback to come galloping out after her. But instead an eerie silence hangs over the scene, broken only by her panting breath as she stumbles uncertainly forward, clutching her voluminous petticoats. Could it really have been that easy?

And you know in your heart that it can’t be that easy. Most likely, when she finally makes it to the exit, and starts fumbling with its rusty lock, Baron Eu – who has been waiting for her all along – will step out of the shadows, cackling with laughter, and tell her that it’s a false door – a brick wall with a door painted on it. And he’ll gloat, “There is no way out of Baron Eu’s castle!! You will never escape, Britannia!! Never!!” And Britannia will sink sobbing to her knees, her face pressed against the unyielding wall.

And that will be the end of it, with Britannia being dragged in chains back to her cell in the forbidding keep from which she had just escaped.

…unless, just when all seems lost, there’ll come the loud sound of a trump from outside the walls, and Baron Eu’s wicked grin will be wiped off his face, as the US 5th Cavalry come bursting through the walls, to rescue Britannia, and free all the other prisoners in Baron Eu’s castle…

That’s one slim possibility. And there could be any number of other twists in the plot – including a nuclear war.

I think it’s going to be one of those movies – like Jaws or Psycho – where I’m going to have to avert my eyes from the screen, and look at the other movie-goers in the theatre, in order to remind myself that it’s only a movie.

Because it is only a movie, isn’t it?


About Frank Davis

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12 Responses to Escape From The Castle Of Baron Eu

  1. EUric Goldfinger: “No Mr Basildon Bond, I expect you to die!”

  2. legiron says:

    The Cameroid thinks Russia will invade Europe and turn it all communist if we leave.

    The real question is… would anyone notice if they did?

  3. jaxthefirst says:

    I have often wondered whether, privately, many members of the EU have actually been hoping for some time that the UK does leave. It does seem that we are nothing but a thorn in their side – always objecting to everything and demanding special treatment. Not that I think that’s entirely unreasonable – there are many adjustments that EU member states are required to make (e.g. the Parliamentary system, the legal system) which mean a much bigger shift for the UK than for many other European states.

    I also think that being an island nation, our psychology and social set-up is somewhat different from those countries who have land borders with other European countries, so that things like the “free movement of people” grates just that little bit more for us than it does for countries on the European mainland. And I don’t think that that’s a side of the whole debate which has even been considered, largely for “politically correct” reasons – the media and the powers-that-be were so keen to present us as being “just as European” as the other European countries that the geographical difference – and the difference that that makes to our natives’ psychology – that they simply tried to pretend that it didn’t exist. It would be interesting to see if other island states within the EU (e.g. Cyprus, Malta) have higher rates of Euroscepticism than mainland countries.

    I wonder whether the penny has finally dropped with the grandees of the EU and they’ve realised that, even if we stay in, we’ll always be a barrier to their Great European Dream because we’ll never, truly, go along with their dictats in the obedient, willing and dutiful way that the other countries usually do. There’s even a part of me which suspects that the only reason we haven’t been squeezed out already is because we are one of the few net contributors to the whole shebang, and a big one at that, so they’ve put up with us in the same way as one might tolerate the constant complaints and demands of a very rich elderly relative. But when that elderly relative’s stubbornness and unco-operativeness actually starts to prevent you from doing what you want to do right now, the balance slowly starts to tip in favour of forgoing the cash and telling them to get lost!

    • Some French bloke says:

      we’ll always be a barrier to their Great European Dream

      The highest tobacco taxes in Europe are to be found in the UK, the Republic of Ireland, and Norway, which has never been part of the EU, though it’s part of the European Economic Area (EEA) and the European Free Trade Association (EFTA).

  4. Oh Britannia, Britannia, wherefore whichith thou wander Oh Fair Britannia?

    Wonderfully done!

  5. margo says:

    I love this, Frank. It really is exactly as I’ve been feeling.

  6. Rose says:

    just when all seems lost, there’ll come the loud sound of a trump from outside the walls, and Baron Eu’s wicked grin will be wiped off his face, as the US 5th Cavalry come bursting through the walls, to rescue Britannia, and free all the other prisoners in Baron Eu’s castle

    I do believe in fairies, I do, I do
    I do believe in fairies, I do, I do

  7. Manfred says:

    “There’s certainly a sense of unreality to it all.”

    Under such circumstances it is both natural and reflexive to join the dots with lines, no matter how random. In fact it may be reassuring to do so. But the chaos may be too uncertain to fathom. Then, Boeing wants to sell Aircraft to Iran. The House of Representatives will block it but Obama will veto the will of the people. What could go wrong? The Russians I believe are justifiably annoyed with the EU. That the UK got out, is perfect timing. Perhaps there is a useful new ally to be had against the EU geopolitical hegemony and rising Chinese Imperialism.

  8. Jim says:

    The Tories (regardless of who is leading them) had better get us out of the EU, even if its only into the EEA, because if they don’t and they go into the next election with us still being a member of the EU they better get ready to vacate No 10 for someone from UKIP (possibly Nigel after another comeback) to take over. The Tories will be decimated (as would Labour to be fair) if the political class ignore the people’s instructions. We won’t forget, come 2020.

    • jaxthefirst says:

      They need to get a move on, too, to make sure that we’ve started moving out before the next Election, because there’s also a chance that all those angry Remainers may vote in a Labour Government out of sheer pique. They’re certainly childish and stampy-footed enough to do that. And the chances of a Labour Government activating Article 50 in accordance with the will – nay the demands – of the people is pretty much zero (remember all those excuses we got for not having a referendum in the first place?). Even if they do, Labour has an extremely poor record when it comes to standing up to the EU in defence of UK interests, too, so the chances are that any Brexit negotiations under their charge would involve pretty much capitulating to all and any EU demands which were made.

  9. Clicky says:

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