I hate all these antismoking doctors. So H/T Rose again, for an article about antismoking zealot Sir Ian Gilmore, and a line that crept back into mind a few days later:
But on a solemn note Gilmore explains that people choosing to stand outside to smoke, shivering in the cold, demonstrates that tobacco is a “drug of addiction”.
Does that really demonstrate that tobacco is a drug of addiction?
I don’t think it does.
In the first place, they’re not ‘choosing’ to stand outside. That choice was taken away from them on 1 July 2007, when they were, in Deborah Arnott’s words, “exiled to the outdoors.” Outside is where you now have to be if you want to have a beer and a cigarette.
Anyway, I don’t stand outside in the cold. I just stop going to pubs between October and April. Because I don’t want to sit inside a pub and just drink a beer. Whenever I have a beer, I want a cigarette to go with it. For me, drinking and smoking go together. Like men and women, or love and marriage. And not it’s not just beer. Also wine. Tea. Coffee. More or less anything except sweet sugary drinks like Coke or fruit juice, which seem to react badly with cigarette smoke (so if I’m drinking one of those, I won’t smoke).
For I only ever smoke when I’ve got something to drink. And I only ever drink when I’ve got something to smoke. And there’s a very simple reason for this, which I’ve explained before. And it is that cigarettes dry out my mouth and throat, while drinks of any kind wet them. So drinking and smoking is a process of wetting and drying, wetting and drying, in order to maintain a balance between the two. Take away the drink, and my mouth rapidly gets too dry. Take away the cigarette, and my mouth rapidly gets too wet.
I’m doing exactly the same sort of thing that people do when they’re eating, when they add sauces to their food. Whenever I eat ham, I like to have English mustard with it, because ham is quite sweet (in fact most meats taste sweet to me), and mustard is tart or sour, and so I’m going sweet-sour, sweet-sour, sweet-sour.
Does that sound like ‘addiction’?
But probably a little shit like Gilmore doesn’t know this. And doesn’t want to know. It would be the same if salt and pepper and tomato ketchup were banned inside fish restaurants, and people had to go outside with their fish and chips if they wanted to sprinkle them with salt, or douse them in ketchup. He’d then be saying how it showed that salt and ketchup were “drugs of addiction”, if people were prepared to stand outside (which they probably would, because chips taste pretty bland without them).
Furthermore, when I wake up in the morning, guess what I’m dying for?
No. Not cigarettes.
The first thing I want in the morning is a mug of hot, sweet tea. And that’s because I always wake up with a dry mouth, and the first thing I want to do is to rehydrate it. And it can take quite a long time to do that. I quite often get through an entire mug of tea before my mouth finally starts feeling over-hydrated, and I reach for the dehydrating tobacco.
Given this fact, I often think that if I’m addicted to anything, it’s to the tea that I drink all day, and which is, after all, the first thing I crave every morning.
So when are they going to ban tea? Or coffee? Or water? Because coffee is just as good at rehydrating my mouth and throat. And water is even better. But water doesn’t have the extra added ingredient of tea and coffee that helps me to wake up a lot more quickly.
In fact, I think that the entire notion of ‘addiction’ is questionable, and it’s really just another lie in the vast, delusory edifice of lies the zealots have woven.
I really hate poisonous little reptiles like Gilmore. Zealots like him have done an enormous amount of damage. And if I ever get the chance to do anything about it, I’d kick him out of the medical profession, and strip him of all his titles. And I’d kick out all the rest of the poisonous, antismoking doctors too. And then I’d close down the entire Royal College of Physicians, of which Gilmore is president. And finally, when everyone had left, I’d set the building ablaze, and sit watching it until the last embers ceased glowing.
That’s how strong my hate is.