Two drink-free days a week

That’s the headline above this BBC report.

Two drink-free days a week needed, MPs’ report says.

People should have at least two days a week completely clear of alcohol, a group of MPs say.

It is one of the recommendations in a report by the Science and Technology Committee, which is calling for a review of all government guidelines on alcohol in the UK.

It says there are “sufficient concerns” about the recommendations on how much people should drink.

The report has been welcomed by charities and public health experts.

Only “guidelines” or “recommendations” for now, but next they’ll become laws. That’s the way it works these days.

I’ve been wondering how they were going to finally destroy the already-tottering pub industry, but now I think I can see how it will be done. Pubs won’t be able to sell alcohol for two days a week. And those days will be Fridays and Saturdays. And when the pubs fill up with drunkards on Sundays, knocking back twice their usual amount, the ban will be extended to Sundays as well. It’ll start off as a partial ban, and gradually become a total ban, salami slice by salami slice – just like with smoking bans.

It’ll be a “health measure”, of course, designed to “encourage” Britain’s drinkers to consume less alcohol. There’ll be a raft of studies showing that productivity might be boosted by between 2% and 5% or whatever. I can almost imagine the opinions and responses aired on TV:

“We’re not trying to ban alcohol or anything,” Jasmine Furnace of Alcohol Suppression will say, grinning brightly. “We’re just trying to help drinkers to consume a bit less, and live a lot longer. Did you know that 72% of drinkers would like to quit drinking?”

“It won’t affect the pub trade in the least,” she will add. “In fact, business will be better than ever. Because for all the traditional pubgoers who stop going, there’ll be an influx of mums and dads and kids and grannies to replace them on alcohol-free days. And anyway there’ll be the rest of the week for the winoes and drunkards.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Edward Stark, landlord of the Happy Bunny, will say. “In fact I can’t wait. I’ll be able to watch telly with the wife on a Saturday night, rather than serve drinks to crowds of drunken customers.”

“I won’t mind a bit,” Jerry Muldoon will add, as he sits at the bar of the Happy Bunny with a pint of best. “We’ll just stand outside with the smokers. We already do most of the time anyway. So it’s hardly going to make any difference. I’ll just bring a hip flask.”

“It’ll be quite a party outside,” Mike Batty will opine, stood in a deep puddle of water outside the Happy Bunny, taking a last pull on a damp cigarette. “But it’s good to know that the government cares so much about the health of us smokers and drinkers, isn’t it? Positively warms the heart, it does.” And, as the rain drips from his nose, he’ll begin to roll another sodden cigarette.

Alcohol Concern chief executive Eric Appleby said: “Accessible and reliable public information on alcohol harm is an essential element in tackling Britain’s problem with alcohol misuse. However, the government must accept that information alone is insufficient.

“With the new alcohol strategy currently being developed, the government has the opportunity to confront alcohol harm on several fronts, including minimum price control and the empowerment of communities to control local licensing.

In this manner, an ancient and convivial cultural institution will be finally destroyed. And that, after all, was always the goal.


About Frank Davis

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13 Responses to Two drink-free days a week

  1. I saw a great tweet about this today which went along the lines of… because I didn’t start drinking till I was 18, that’s about six thousand alcohol free days I’ve banked already.

    That would mean I could drink every day for about the next 60 years…taking me almost up to the century mark… and still average 2 alcohol free days a week over my lifetime.

    I see no problem whatsoever with that :)

  2. Pingback: Other people’s stuff. | underdogs bite upwards

  3. nisakiman says:

    Good post, Frank. And, I fear, a prescient one.

    Your pastiche of the way the TV interviews will go is spot on. I can hear them now.

  4. beobrigitte says:

    I’ll toast to that.

    Still, I did watch a total of about 28 seconds of another BBC programme last night. Had to to with smoking and it’s history. (BBC4 – 01:30hrs!!!!) Must have been from ASH et al, hence the 28 seconds……
    Missing something from today, though……….

  5. David Davis says:

    Fill your boots with scientific glassware while you can still buy it: it’s not illegal yet. (In some US states, the purchase of chemical equipment is covered already by “terrorism” laws…) Then, you can ferment/filter/collect/distil whatever pleases you, for really what will be quite some time yet. The house-to-house-searches for “illegal technical goods” will come in the end, covered by armed police. But that is still I think some way off.

    The shut-down of science is also a goal of these bastards. But it’s not yet openly stated.

  6. mikef317 says:

    If anyone plans a visit to New York City, it might be a good idea to bring your own booze.

  7. mikef317 says:

    Maybe you should also pack a few weeks supply of fish and chips.

  8. Frank Davis says:

    ChrisB emailed me Jan 10 (2 days ago):

    I don’t have a suitable a/c to leave comments on the blog SO — here it is :-

    “I’d rather they work on a week with 5 compulsory drinking days where people will not be penalized If they choose break the law since, as any logical thinking MP knows and experts have confirmed, people will die younger and thus reduce the National pension Bill.
    Other measures may include a clause demanding all smokers increase their consumption to at least 40 a day to ensure early pension free deaths.

    A Government spokesman is also reported to have suggested that a compulsory increase in all ‘sin’ activities may be introduced. to increase tax revenue, early deaths and a vital increase in the pension fund for nice people.”

    Maybe you could add it?


  9. An interesting blog on the california rental property bans where they excempted pot smoking!

    Your Right to Light a Cigarette Ends Where Another Person’s Lungs Begin

    I spanked him a lil,but I think he can be persuaded of his il mannered beliefs easily enuf.

  10. Mike F says:

    Sorry, the second link above was to page two. Just scroll down and click page 1 for the start.

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